Clarinets

Q: How many clarinetists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but he will go through an entire box of bulbs before he finds one that he likes.

Flutes

Q: What's the difference between a flute and a seamstress?
A: A seamstress tucks the frills.

Low Brass

Q. Why is the French horn a divine instrument?
A. Because man puts forth breath ... but only God knows what will come out.

Q. How many euphonium players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. What the heck is a euphonium???

Q: What's the definition of a gentleman?
A: Someone who knows how to play the trombone -- but doesn't.

Q: How many tuba players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five -- one to screw it in, and the other four to complain how high it is.

Percussion

Q: What did the drummer say to the band leader?
A: Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?

Prop Crew

Q: Why does the football team hate the band?
A: 'Cause after halftime, all the fans leave.

Saxes

Q: How do you get two saxophonists to play in tune?
A: Shoot one.

Trumpets

Q: What's the difference between a trumpet player and a government bond?
A: The bond eventually matures and earns money.